My first big purchase ever was my first digital SLR. I knew what I wanted, it was a Olympus E300… the Evolt. So naturally I shopped around for the best prices. I had never spent so much of my own money on anything before… It was going to cost me between $800 and $900, of course this was back when all consumer priced DSLR cameras were about that much.

I remember finally finding that place online that had the best deal, but you had to call them up.

I was too young to know that there was a reason you had to call, and couldn’t order online.

I remember talking to this guy for what seemed like an hour for something that should have taken 10 minutes. He told me that the price online was the price of just the body without the lens. I told him that the online store said that it was a full kit including a lens… and a charger ( which is another thing he tried to sell me later). After finally convincing him that i believe there is a lens in the box he is sending me, He proceeded to the extra batteries and chargers that I would “definitely need, because without these things you cannot charge your camera and it would be useless”. “isn’t there a charger and a battery included?” I asked. He responded with a simple “no, you would need these things to charge use your camera”

I ended up buying an extra battery and an extra charger because I was lied to.

I read something today that reminded me of this.

In 2 corinthians 2:12-17 Paul is talking about how his spirit was not at rest at a place he came to on his journeys.
He mentioned that even though there was an open door, there was still something that was not at peace inside of him.
So he moved on.

Paul could have done a great work here. He even says in verse 12 ” the door was opened for me in the Lord”…
I don’t know if he had regrets about leaving, or if he wanted to stay because he could have done something great there…
BUT he tells us what comforted him in verse 14

” BUT thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere.”

He says, you know what people? that door may have been open, I could have stayed there and been successful, I could may have been victorius there as well, BUT no matter where God leads me, I know he already has the victory
because through us…
through those who follow him…
we are spreading the fragrance of Christ.

Then paul goes on to explain his comfort…

Paul says in verse 17
“we are not, like so many, peddlers of God’s word, but as men of sincerity, as commissioned by God, in the sight of God we speak in Christ“

That word peddler in the greek has connotations of people who “corrupt and adulterate their commodities for the sake of gain”.

that dude on the phone who lied to me was a peddler.

Paul says, we are men of sincerity
that word that paul uses for sincerity derives form this greek word “eilikrines” which means something is “found pure when unfolded and examined by the sun’s light”.
How many of us can say that when we make decisions, even those decisions that are “for the ministry”, that we are not doing them for the sake of gain.
I have found that sometimes I even lie to myself. I have found that it is easy to convince myself of something, to rationalize my decisions that I am making without giving them a second thought as to whether I am doing these things out of my own agenda or God’s.

I’ve had doors open to me before, and I’ve walked through them. But it wasn’t because God wanted me there, it was because I thought that I could be successful.
last year I shared with some of my classmates that my biggest fear is that I wont do something great for God’s kingdom. but there is something so wrong about the way I thought. The fact that I was focused on ME doing something GREAT.
Even if I say I am afraid that God wont do something great through me…
the emphasis is that I get the glory for it.

My challenge for any believer that is reading this is that YOU do something that glorifies GOD, even if it doesn’t benefit YOU… do it even if YOU go unnoticed.

Because we aren’t peddlers.

I do not consider myself a very bold person. Someone who STANDS out in a crowd. Or someone people take notice of. not immediately anyway. After some time of getting to know me, or within my close circles, this may be true, but not right off the bat. I don’t think that this is a bad thing either.

I am not worried about how many people notice me or how many people know who i am.
What I am concerned about is this..
That the people who do know me, and the people who’s lives i am involved with would consider me someone who always did my best to do what God wanted me to do.

This has not always been my goal, I’ve made many mistakes in my past that I do regret. I’ve made decisions that did not honor God, and I’ve learned from these things.
There have been times where I’ve lost sight of this goal and made mistakes, but was convicted and did my best to take responsibility and fix those mistakes. There have been times where I have been selfish and did not make the hard decisions. I regret these times the most because being like christ means always being selfless…

In the future there will be times where I will know that I need Gods forgiveness, and know that i already have it.

But no matter what happens, I want to always come back to the main point by doing what God wants me to do. NOT to do what I want to. hopefully more times than not, what I want to do will line up with what he wants me to do… but if it does not line up, I want to strive to pick His will over anything else.

Romans 12:1+2 have been really strong verses in my life over the past semester and into the summer. It says this :

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

finding out what worship really is…
and finding out what God’s will is…
it is incredibly simple, but it is so incredibly hard.
its incredibly hard but it is essential for us to be able to do what God wants, and to truly worship him. We just need to give up what we want, sacrifice our desires, and spend time being transformed by what’s in his words.

some of you may already know, but I have made a really big decision recently… one that requires me to give up what is comfortable. Give up what I want, what i desire. over time this decision became what i desire, but it was not easy. I am incredibly scared of the future. I am scared about a lot of things… I am working on not being scared, but its hard. Either way, I am going to close my eyes and trust God. Some people think I’m reckless. That I am not making the “wise” decision (as if they knew what was wise apart form knowing what God wants).
I know I am doing my best to do what God wants me to do, and that gives me so much comfort, its unbelievable.